Some conflicts become heated as levels of frustration rise. Rather than speaking assertively, partners begin to accuse, criticize, or yell. Rather than listening actively, partners interrupt, belittle, and ignore. Physiologically, the “fight or flight” response is triggered as each person goes into a protection mode with little or no regard for their partner. In this… Read more »
“Beauty is not only a terrible thing, but it is also a mysterious thing. There God and the Devil strive for mastery, and the battleground is the hearts of men.” — Fyodor Dostoyevsky Are you being the spiritual leader your wife needs you to be? What is your heart attitude? Spiritual leadership is a… Read more »
The Bible talks about loving God with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength (Mark 12:30). The four words used in this passage also relate to the secular psychology concept of our being divided into the spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical parts. If you compare this list in the various places it’s found in… Read more »
Conflict is inevitable. It is part of being in a relationship. Conflict that causes damage to your relationship is not inevitable. Conflict that actually builds unity and intimacy is possible for any couple. There are some things to know about conflict and some tools that will help maximize the latter type of conflict or “healthy… Read more »
It is simple to know how to maximize our relationships by learning some basic concepts about the purpose of relationships and how they work. The Bible says we are “made in God’s image.” Since God is spirit, what does that mean? God made us in his image as Relational Beings. God is a relational being,… Read more »
What makes you come alive? What are you passionate about? What excites you when you think about the day, the week, the month ahead of you? Is the life you are living an incredible, wild, fascinating adventure? I had a client who was very dynamic, very personable, and was on fire spiritually. His job involved… Read more »
Here is an important thing to understand about your wife: in her mind, foreplay for the next time you are going to make love begins immediately after her last orgasm! With regard to your wife, the bible tells you to “Dwell with her with understanding.” (1 Peter 3:7) Notice this passage does not say to… Read more »
As men, we are wired differently from women. Not a huge revelation, right? But one of the significant ways we are wired differently is with regard to triggering of sexual arousal. Men are triggered sexually by sight, and women by touch. Men are sight-stimulated, and women are touch-stimulated. This is not to say that there… Read more »
Mindfulness is a type of meditation. Often when Christians hear the term “meditation,” they take a step back because of its connection to eastern religions. It is not a substitute for a Christian’s prayer life. In fact, it has nothing to do with prayer. Mindfulness is simply a discipline of relaxation that can be greatly… Read more »
“Independent” in our culture has a positive connotation, but in relationships, it is a killer. I have had clients that come in for couples counseling who have been married 20 or 30 years. They sleep in separate bedrooms, rarely have sex and then only mechanically, have entirely different sets of friends, share no activities, go… Read more »
1) Guard your tongue One of the hardest things to learn is guarding our tongue with our mate. Instead of always speaking in nurturing, loving, encouraging ways, often we zoom right past the boundary of who our spouse is to God and who our spouse is to us. Even small, negative comments can have a… Read more »
God designed us as being hard-wired for relationship. The most obvious reason is that he desires a relationship with us. But he also designed us to desire intimate, close relationships with a mate and/or a few safe same-sex friendships. Without any of these connections in our lives, emotional entropy takes place which inevitably causes chaos… Read more »
Marriage is not a man-made institution. The more I learn about it, the more I see God’s fingerprints all over marriage. We can choose to ignore God’s design, roles, and advice, but it usually doesn’t work out very well. I know it hasn’t in my life! He’s the dad and we’re the kids; that’s why…. Read more »
When I was single, I heard it said that although I should carefully consider who I marry, I shouldn’t stress over it too much. It was too important to God for him to let me mess up the decision completely! All I needed to do was stick close to God, but even if I chose… Read more »
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Christian Counseling, Marriage & Couples Counseling
Ezekiel 36:26
Lydia, the therapy dog!